Breaking Free from the 'Should' Trap - "stop should-ing all over yourself"

What is should-ing and why is it harmful?

"Should-ing" is saying and thinking "I should...", as in I'm supposed to do or be something I'm not.

Should-ing is harmful because it is insinuating that what you do or who you are is not enough or appropriate. It is putting pressure on yourself to be somewhere you're not. Why "should" you? Because society tells you you're not where or who you are expected to be? Respectfully... Fuck that. You're exactly where you need to be, where you "should" be.

Life's circumstances, your decisions as well as things beyond your control got you where you are now. No, you "should" not, this is the path for you and no one else's, and your path is not meant for everyone else either.

Should-ing is a form of negative self-talk that may bring shame, guilt, anger, comparing yourself to others, beating yourself up, disappointment, judgment, self-pity, dip in self-esteem and confidence and resentment.

A way to heal from should-ing is to change the language you use. Instead of saying "I should", you might want to say "I could", "I want to", "I'd like to", or "I choose to."

Another way to heal from should-ing is to validate your feelings and choices.

It is important to be able to validate your feelings and why you've done things the way that you have.

With love,

Aude.